You wouldn't reward a child's bad behaviour with a chocolate bar would you? That's an obvious one but did you know that by NOT correcting the child's behaviour properly, it's the same as rewarding them for it? This taboo topic has created so much confusion and parents are feeling very stuck on what to do when their child misbehaves.
There is big controversy around punishing and spanking children and the long term psychological effects it may have. There is also confusion around consequences and timeouts that leaves most parents frazzled even more cause they don't seem to work. How a parent disciplines their child is a very personal decision. it is based on many factors such as.....
how one was raised as a child, trauma experience, frustration/stress levels, common 'trends', influence as well as what others in the community or friend circles are doing. It can be very easy to judge someone for how they discipline their child however, this never helps the situation. Parents tend to feel very insecure around this topic. When parents reach out to me they often say that they don't want to discipline that way but just don't know what else to do instead.
Common Disciplinary Techniques
Some parents report that they've tried many of these techniques and sometimes they work (especially at the beginning) but they don't really help long term. I even have clients tell me that their child laughs at them when they try one of these techniques! How frustrating!
Common Disciplinary Techniques
- Threats
- Consequences
- Yelling
- Taking away privileges
- Time-outs
- Grounding
- Punishments
- Spanking
Some parents report that they've tried many of these techniques and sometimes they work (especially at the beginning) but they don't really help long term. I even have clients tell me that their child laughs at them when they try one of these techniques! How frustrating!
As a Early Childhood Consultant that has been in the field for over 2 decades, I assure you, I've seen it all. I accept other's choices even when I don't fully agree with them. I feel passionate about creating harmony around the discipline issue that allows parents to feel informed and empowered all while helping children grow and develop in the best possible circumstances.
I've created a new technique that helps parents be more EFFECTIVE when addressing a child's hurtful, harmful, destructive or disruptive behaviour. It is called the CORRECTING BEHAVIOUR strategy that actually does what the name states. Seems obvious but you would be surprised how often this does not get done in the common disciplinary techniques that are out there often leaving children with feelings of resentment, anger and confusion.
It is not my place here to say what I think is good or bad, right or wrong and pass judgement on others. My intention is simply to offer an alternative way that contributes to a more effective outcome in helping children with their behaviour as well as giving parents more confidence in this challenging area of parenthood.
I've created a new technique that helps parents be more EFFECTIVE when addressing a child's hurtful, harmful, destructive or disruptive behaviour. It is called the CORRECTING BEHAVIOUR strategy that actually does what the name states. Seems obvious but you would be surprised how often this does not get done in the common disciplinary techniques that are out there often leaving children with feelings of resentment, anger and confusion.
It is not my place here to say what I think is good or bad, right or wrong and pass judgement on others. My intention is simply to offer an alternative way that contributes to a more effective outcome in helping children with their behaviour as well as giving parents more confidence in this challenging area of parenthood.
We have to be mindful of the pitfalls of any strategy or technique that we use. Always weigh out the pros and cons and ensure that it feels right to you and that you are well-informed. No one should ever feel forced in doing something they don't agree with or that doesn't make sense to them. I think deep down, most people avoid harming children on purpose with discipline however, many parents unintentionally cause harm to their child through various common forms of discipline.
{If you are ever unsure about something when it comes to disciplinary strategies or your child's development, please reach out at any time to have a chat with me about what is going on. Conversations are confidential and always supportive. Contact us for a complimentary phone call to discuss further.}
One of the biggest pitfalls with the common disciplinary techniques are that they are very ineffective because they rarely correct the child's behaviour and tend to keep parents stuck in the same disciplinary 'hamster-wheel' which produces the same, unsuccessful outcome time and time again. These common practices also create a further disconnection between parent & child and don't really help the child build proactive skills in regulating themselves, communication or problem solving in a positive manner. If you feel 'stuck' in this cycle, know that it does NOT have to stay that way. There are always options for you.
{If you are ever unsure about something when it comes to disciplinary strategies or your child's development, please reach out at any time to have a chat with me about what is going on. Conversations are confidential and always supportive. Contact us for a complimentary phone call to discuss further.}
One of the biggest pitfalls with the common disciplinary techniques are that they are very ineffective because they rarely correct the child's behaviour and tend to keep parents stuck in the same disciplinary 'hamster-wheel' which produces the same, unsuccessful outcome time and time again. These common practices also create a further disconnection between parent & child and don't really help the child build proactive skills in regulating themselves, communication or problem solving in a positive manner. If you feel 'stuck' in this cycle, know that it does NOT have to stay that way. There are always options for you.
An alternative way to the discipline hamster-wheel is the CORRECTING BEHAVIOUR strategy which focuses on teaching the child many positive ways to react to challenging situations and that helps guide them through these situations as they experience them in the future. Disciplining a child and correcting their behaviour is not the same thing. In fact, children rarely get their behaviour corrected during any form of discipline, which is how they learn.
The CORRECTING BEHAVIOUR strategy includes:
This strategy does not let them off the hook for their actions nor does it allow for manipulation to occur. Correcting a child's behaviour in this specific way demonstrates to the child that you are the Leader and there to guide them through their challenges. This approach allows children and teens to generate true respect for their parent, not the illusion of respect that many think they get through using fear-based techniques.
The CORRECTING BEHAVIOUR strategy includes:
- Know how to connect with the child who's in distress
- Develop an effective communication plan in stressful situations
- Learn how to perfect the timing of interactions
- Understand how to stay neutral, calm + regulated in the face of challenge
- Increase the teachable moments to help build skills for the future
This strategy does not let them off the hook for their actions nor does it allow for manipulation to occur. Correcting a child's behaviour in this specific way demonstrates to the child that you are the Leader and there to guide them through their challenges. This approach allows children and teens to generate true respect for their parent, not the illusion of respect that many think they get through using fear-based techniques.
GET MORE TIPS ON BEHAVIOUR
Join the facebook group CHILDREN'S BEHAVIOUR TIPS: WITH JULIE ROMANOWSKI to get more inspiration and information on many of the challenges that parents face on a daily basis.
Children's BEHAVIOUR tips: with Julie Romanowski